Jump Rope Term Reduces Teen Sexual Complications

 In the Double Dutch jump roping game, a jumper must negotiate between two ropes turned from opposite directions. It is a complicated game, one that required focus and a honed sense of timing. The game evolved by Dutch settlers some 400 years ago when they made their home on the Hudson River in the New York Area. By the 1970’s Double Dutch was so popular, competitions were held in New York. Double Dutch jump roping songs became popular as well. Now Double Dutch is a varsity sport on some colleges.

So, how does a jump rope term help reduce teen sexual complications like pregnancy,abortions and STDs and create more respectful relationships for our teen girls?

If we teach our teens the concept of Double Dutch as the people in the Netherlands use the expression, our teens would be in a lot better shape. There the term Double Dutch means that you do not just “hook up” with someone, as is common here in the United States, but rather you wait to have sex until you know each other and have a foundation of mutual respect and trust for each other. You are both in the relationship on equal footing.  On top of that, when you do have sex, you use two forms of birth control, usually The Pill and a condom. Both participants must use protection, hence the term “Double Dutch.” The Netherlands enjoys the lowest rates of teen pregnancy, teen birth, abortion and STDs. (Respectful sex is a concept I touch on in my newest book. “Laid or Loved? The Secrets Guys Wish You Knew About Being a Dream Girl Instead of a Just-In-His-Jeans Girl.)

Instead of simply watching nimble children and young adults jump over two swinging ropes, let’s teach the phrase Double Dutch to our preteens and teens to help them avoid the tangles of the tricky teen years. We can use the Netherlands model as a way to help our teens learn they can work in tandem with each other in respectful, successful ways, without being tripped up by pregnancy, STDs and all the other drama/trauma that tags along with simply “hooking up.

For more information please read Susie Wilson’s article by clicking here.

I know the topic of teen sexuality is sometimes scary for parents. But the fact is, our teens are sexual beings, and they are acting out on natures way of keeping the population growing. Life longs for more life! We need to help educate our teens about safe, respectful sex. Even if you are hoping your precious daughter walks down the aisle  a virgin, the reality may be different than what you hope for. Ignoring the new cultural trends here in the United States around sexual behavior won’t make the behavior change. We must arm ourselves as parents with education, listening skills, role modeling skills, humor, patience and a true desire to be of service to our teens and help them.

Enough said!

All the best,

Dr. Jenn

CPA…It’s Effect on the Human Brain

A recent study suggests that the way we use our brains when we look for information on a computer screen or cell phone screen is eroding our hardwired neuronal ability to recognize facial expressions in others. Researchers call the way we use our brains to scan for information on a screen, CPA, or Continuous Partial Attention. That’s not a good thing because facial recognition is the basis for empathy for one another. When we see another person’s expression, neurons called “Mirror Neurons” fire and we have a sense of what another person is feeling. Mirror Neurons  can help us retain our humanity.

The technology created to connect us on one level may be disconnecting us on another.

With headline news about teen violence, pregnancy rate, crime and suicide on the rise, one has to stop and wonder what’s going on with our teens. And it’s not just our teens. Educators say that they are seeing an enormous increase in children in kindergarten with less executive functioning than in previous years. That means the children have shorter attention spans, and less self-control among other things.

When Ford built the first car it was an amazing new way for people to travel faster and farther. But it wasn’t until the car had been around for years that people began to put rules about safety into place. I can’t help but wonder if we will one day have “text ed” for teens, much like drivers ed. At some point people realized people needed to be a certain age and trained to drive a car. It would serve our teens well to learn how to use technology respectfully. It would also do them well to have more face to face time.

Stats recently published claim one billion seconds a day are logged in on Facebook alone.

Our teens are digital natives. They have never known life without the technology that is new to most parents. We are still finding our way and understanding it’s impact on our world.

The teen brain already misreads facial expressions about 50% of the time because their brains haven’t fully matured. Teens make decisions with their limbic region of the brain. That’s the fight or flight area responsible for survival. Their prefrontal cortex, the CEO of the brain so to speak, doesn’t mature until the late twenties. Add that to the research suggesting that our technology use is eroding hardwired abilities to recognize expressions and it adds up to something we all need to pay attention to.

Parents can help their teens by engaging them in other activities besides texting, Youtube and other tech uses. Don’t let the computer or cell phone be your teens “babysitter.” Find ways to engage, play, laugh and be a healthy, happy family. Those things actually help the brain mature in an optimal way.

All best,

Dr. Jenn

GLOVES OFF AFTER GANG RAPE

15 year old gang raped, beaten and robbed while people walked by and DID NOTHING. When I heard the story, I wept. For a long time. Then I dried my eyes and sent out a press release. Then, I took off my gloves and made a vow. Today is a pivotal day at Honor the Girl LLC. I’ve always known I will do all I can in my power to EMPOWER parents and teen girls in today’s new world, but today, something shifted. Something visceral happened. It’s more than a knowing. It’s….non-negotiable. Honor the Girl LLC will continue to Honor the Girl to Better the World until I no longer draw breath. It’s just that simple.

I’m fighting for our girls. I’m doing all I know to teach mothers how to be the front of defense for their girls in today’s anything goes world. I’m teaching mothers the new parenting rules for today’s new world. I’m teaching girls that they don’t HAVE to drink the cultural kool aide and be the boy teasing pixies that Abercrombie and Fitch would like them to believe they have to be. Nor do girls have to be the boy destroyers like Lady GaGa would like them to believe they have to be. They don’t have to buy into the media’s message like the posted picture of Dolce and Gabbana’s ad that looks pretty disrespectful to girls.

Girls really can be nice, kind, respectful, ordinary looking, wonderful people. That is enough! Really!

If you want to join in helping the world learn to honor the girl so YOUR teen girl isn’t the next gang rape victim or the perpetrator of a crime, as so many girls are becoming today…. buy Laid or Loved? and read it then give it to your daughter. I wrote it to help mothers and daughters who want to learn about self-respect and how to show respect to others.

 I’m teaching listening skills and parenting classes at schools, non-profits and here at my office. I’m teaching parents about the effects of technology use on our teens (changes their brains) and the effect of the media and what parents can do. Contact me if you would like more information about how you or your group can learn to Honor the Girl to Better the World.

I’m fighting for our girls. I hope you will join me. They are worth it.

All the best

Dr. Jenn

914-547- 5617

Pregnant Teen Covergirl Sends Wrong Message

Jourdan Dunn, one of the teen models on the cover of Teen Vogue reveals she is pregnant in the article inside the magazine. Although she is not visibly pregnant on the cover, one has to wonder why Teen Vogue would use her image. Not to say we need to punish pregnant teen girls, but we certainly need to do all we can to make sure that teen girls don’t get the message that teen  pregnancy is glamorous!

I hope that mothers use the issue as a way to talk openly, honestly, and calmly, about teen sexuality and pregnancy.

Now is a good time to practice your “Detective Listening Skills!” Ask your daughter questions about her views on  teen sex and pregnancy. Stay neutral. Don’t interrupt. Don’t give unasked for advice. Do let her know you respect what she is saying, even if you disagree with it. Do let her know you are there for her!

Every human being is hardwired to “ask”  a question scientists call “The Big Brain Question.”  That question is “Are you there for me?” When we get a “Yes!” for an answer, our brains develop in healthy ways. When we hear a “No!”  too often, our brains can’t grow in optimal ways. That means we won’t have the resources needed to create healthy, happy lives. “Detective Listening” is one of the BEST ways  you can answer your daughter’s “Big Brain Question!” with a “Yes!”  Teen girls who have their “Big Brain Question” answered with “Yes!” from their mothers are more likely to avoid having sex too young.

For more on “Detective Listening Skills” email me. I’m happy to pass on the essential skills you need to become a better listener, and in so doing, become a much more effective parent.

Today’s world calls for new parenting skills. Detective Listening is right at the top!

All best,
Dr. Jenn

email:jennifer@parentingteengirls.com

Phone  914 574 5617

ParentingTeen Girls Made Simple

Parenting teen girls has never been harder. Today’s world if full of outside influences you have no control over. Text messages, Facebook, the Internet, YouTube…the list goes on and on. The old rules of parenting are obsolete in today’s new world. Parent’s are often overwhelmed and feel under-skilled.

There is help. What if once a month you received a new parenting teen girl skill in your inbox? You’d start to learn the new skills needed to help navigate your daughter safely into adulthood. That help exists at http://www.honorthegirl.me   The site is getting a complete make over soon, same great content plus more and a whole new look and feel to match our mission/message to honor the girl the better the world.

Honor the Girl is growing. In addition to the membership parenting information, Honor the Girl is working with some big organizations to help moms across the nation. Stay tuned for all the details. I’m unveiling the first Honor the Girl consumer product for inner beauty after the first of the year. I’m so excited about this new innovative product that I have my team working overtime to get it on the shelves so you can begin to polish your inner beauty until you glow from within and even  light up others around you for the better.

Honor the Girl to Better the World. ™  That’s what we are doing here. Hope you will join us!
All best,

Dr. Jenn

“Pornification” of Halloween

I was asked to speak on the radio about the super sexy Halloween costumes for young girls. On one hand I worry about the message girls are sending out about themselves, and on the other I understand that Halloween is a “free pass” day where you get to be outlandish and outrageous. I do worry about the desire for tweens and young teens to embrace their “inner slut” for the day.

So, what do parents do when their daughters want to wear something that ranks an “Over my dead body!” declaration?  First, do what I tell parents for most things…breathe in to the count of 7 and exhale to the count of 11 BEFORE you say a word. If you are still upset and can’t talk nicely, then do a few more 7-11 breaths. Talking in an angry voice will only put your daughter on the defensive and she won’t be able to hear you concerns. Translation: You will fight instead of communicate.

Instead of ranting on about how slutty she looks in her costume, ask her why she feels it’s ok to wear it and then really listen to her.

At the end of the day, you ARE her parent and can veto her costume. Just be mindful of HOW you go about it. You can make it a fight or a chance to get to know who your daughter really is. 

Halloween costumes seem to get sexier each year. The “pornification” of a holiday I used to treasure for ugly witches with green warty noses seems to be a thing of the past. Cleavage and booty shorts rule the night. (Maybe witches were a put down of women too… hmmmm. Hags or sluts?)

At any rate, help your daughter understand that a sexy costume will get her attention, but it won’t promise her affection, which is what most teen girls claim they actually want underneath their sexed up clothes and behavior. They are using the wrong bait for the fish they truly want to catch.

Happy Holidays ahead!
Dr. Jenn

Stop Sexting by Snooping?

Sexting is here to stay. Not to say that it is a good thing, but that genie isn’t going to go back in the bottle. Parents, educators, legal authorities and even teens themselves are trying to figure out how texting affects lives, what legal ramifications it includes and just how to get a handle on the sexting problem. There are still more questions than answers.

One company has come up with a way to deal with sexting by allowing parents full access to their teens text and calls. Mobile Nanny allows parents to view their child’s phone useage in real time. One would imagine that if a teen knew their phone was “tapped” they wouldn’t use it for nefarious reasons. Go here for more info about the software.

There are  few problems with such software. First, if you install it without your daughter’s knowledge to catch her in the act, she will feel betrayed. Once such trust is broken, it’s really hard to repair it with a teenager. Second, a smart teen, which most of them are, will simply use a friends phone for their “dirty work,” and avoid your prying eyes. The problem with this scenario is your daughter’s behavior is driven even more underground. Now she can’t tell you about her sexting, or texts that might be upsetting her because she has “lied” to you by using another phone.  It’s hard enough to get our girls to speak their truth when they don’t have as much to hide as a lie on top of a tricky situation. Third, the message using this software sends out to our daughter’s is “I can’t trust you!” Or,”I need to protect you from yourself or someone else.” But think that thought through. I assume you have or will allow your daughter to drive when she turns 16. Car accidents are one of the leading causes of teen death. But you turn the keys over and hope for the best after she has had drivers education.

That is what we need more of: Education. Not the lecturing type done by most parents, but the Compassionate Parenting kind where parents listen to what’s going on in their daughter’s lives and they do their very best to be supportive. We know that teens don’t learn from our lectures. They learn from their own mistakes. If you don’t allow your teen the chance to make a few mistakes, learn and grow, how else will they know how to function as adults?

If you decide to buy the software nanny for your daughter’s cell phone, I hope you at least let her know you are installing it, and you have a talk about safe and respectful use of the phone.

I am holding a free teleseminar in November for all parents who want more information about the use of technology and their teen daughters. It is part of my new lecture series that will eventually be published in book form: Raising Eve: Parenting Teen Girls in the Information Age. ™

Please email me if you are interested in an hour long class via the phone to learn more about sexting, Facebook and the one topic that shocks most moms, Internet porn. I’ll bring you up to speed about all the topics and give you easy takeaways as how to deal with the technology that is creating big problems in our daughter’s lives.

email me at

drjenn@honorthegirl.me

www.honorthegirl.me

Teens Get it Wrong 50% of the Time

Adults correctly name facial expressions in a photograph almost Read more

Your daughter Needs You to Listen!

Message every parent needs to hear:

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.

 When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn’t feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.

 When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problems, I feel underestimated and disempowered.

 When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.

When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am not helpless.

When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.

But when you accept the way I feel, then I don’t need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it. And when I do that, I don’t need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.

 Please remember that what you think are irrational feelings always makes sense if you take the time to listen and understand me.   (Written by an anonymous teen.)

My first book was A Little Book of Listening Skills. Need help with your listening skills? Email me and I will send you a FREE sample set of listening skills.

All best,

Dr. Jenn

My Summer Vacation

I was busy all summer preparing for my move from the San Francisco Bay Area to New York! But I kept the message for teen girls and mothers on the airwaves.

I’m now a regular on Mary in The Morning!  I’ve been heard on various Sirius stations this summer as well as local radio.

The Better TV segment for Honor the Girl aired September 28th.

Coming up are interviews in the magazines Real Simple, and Men’s Health.

Reuters interviewed me for a personal piece about my funeral wishes, even though I am healthy and happy. I have just planned for the inevitable; something every mother might want to  take the time to consider.

It’s a gorgeous start to the fall in New York. I’ll keep you posted on media events, speaking and workshops coming up.

All the best,

Dr. Jenn

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