Weighty Problems for Dads and Daughters

Mary Jo Rapini LPC, sent this blog as a member of the community committed to helping parents of teen girls. Please contact her if you have any questions or comments. She’s happy to be of service. Here’s Mary’s advice:

From the moment she says “Dada,” she is under your influence.

Dads give their daughters many things — including security and confidence — but perhaps the most important gift is her body image.

They do this by what they focus on, both in their words and their actions. As soon as your daughter is placed in your arms, her sense of who she is will be greatly due to what you say to her.

In the weight management clinic at Houston’s Methodist Hospital I often hear women recalling things their fathers said to them as children. “If you don’t lose weight, you’ll never find a man.” “If you don’t quit eating so much, you will look like your mother.”

Perhaps the most hurtful is the dad who doesn’t engage his daughter at all since she doesn’t reflect what he thinks is beauty in a woman.

No father really wants to hurt his daughter. Yet dads often are harsh or insensitive when it comes to their daughter’s physical appearance. The problem is that girls already feel so much pressure to be thin and beautiful that when Dad starts in they end up feeling unworthy or unloved. Every overweight daughter knows it. And she knows that boys may not date her because of her weight.

Here’s how you can help:

1. Tell her how you felt the first time you held her — that you knew your life would never be the same because of her.

2. To help her avoid using food to comfort herself, teach her other coping mechanisms. Ask her if she’d like to take a walk, shoot hoops or find something you both enjoy.

3. As your daughter grows older, take an interest in her activities, expose her to new things and tell her what you find interesting about her.

4. Comment on her interests, activities and achievements — not her looks or her friends’ looks.

5. Girls who feel a strong need for a boyfriend at an early age have been “groomed” to think the approval of a boyfriend is important. Watch your words, and your body language. A girl should have the freedom to become all she can be, without worrying about a boyfriend.

http://www.maryjorapini.com
http://maryjo.mymethodistblog.com/