GLOVES OFF AFTER GANG RAPE

15 year old gang raped, beaten and robbed while people walked by and DID NOTHING. When I heard the story, I wept. For a long time. Then I dried my eyes and sent out a press release. Then, I took off my gloves and made a vow. Today is a pivotal day at Honor the Girl LLC. I’ve always known I will do all I can in my power to EMPOWER parents and teen girls in today’s new world, but today, something shifted. Something visceral happened. It’s more than a knowing. It’s….non-negotiable. Honor the Girl LLC will continue to Honor the Girl to Better the World until I no longer draw breath. It’s just that simple.

I’m fighting for our girls. I’m doing all I know to teach mothers how to be the front of defense for their girls in today’s anything goes world. I’m teaching mothers the new parenting rules for today’s new world. I’m teaching girls that they don’t HAVE to drink the cultural kool aide and be the boy teasing pixies that Abercrombie and Fitch would like them to believe they have to be. Nor do girls have to be the boy destroyers like Lady GaGa would like them to believe they have to be. They don’t have to buy into the media’s message like the posted picture of Dolce and Gabbana’s ad that looks pretty disrespectful to girls.

Girls really can be nice, kind, respectful, ordinary looking, wonderful people. That is enough! Really!

If you want to join in helping the world learn to honor the girl so YOUR teen girl isn’t the next gang rape victim or the perpetrator of a crime, as so many girls are becoming today…. buy Laid or Loved? and read it then give it to your daughter. I wrote it to help mothers and daughters who want to learn about self-respect and how to show respect to others.

 I’m teaching listening skills and parenting classes at schools, non-profits and here at my office. I’m teaching parents about the effects of technology use on our teens (changes their brains) and the effect of the media and what parents can do. Contact me if you would like more information about how you or your group can learn to Honor the Girl to Better the World.

I’m fighting for our girls. I hope you will join me. They are worth it.

All the best

Dr. Jenn

914-547- 5617

Your daughter Needs You to Listen!

Message every parent needs to hear:

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.

 When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn’t feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.

 When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problems, I feel underestimated and disempowered.

 When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.

When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am not helpless.

When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.

But when you accept the way I feel, then I don’t need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it. And when I do that, I don’t need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.

 Please remember that what you think are irrational feelings always makes sense if you take the time to listen and understand me.   (Written by an anonymous teen.)

My first book was A Little Book of Listening Skills. Need help with your listening skills? Email me and I will send you a FREE sample set of listening skills.

All best,

Dr. Jenn

Listen More, Talk Less Today.

There are four slices of the communication pie. Reading, writing, speaking and listening. Of the four we use listening the most, but we aren’t very good at it. We aren’t taught how to do it. In schools they teach the other three skills. Listening gets overlooked. Oh sure, maybe a teacher read a story to you and then asked how many cows you heard her talk about. Something silly like that. That’s more memorizing than listening.

Listening is an exquisite act of love and respect. It helps both speaker and listener transform their lives when it is done correctly.  Like any skill, it takes practice.

Listening skills that help people feel loved, heard, understood and respected start with the simple act of talking less and listening more. When you listen, don’t interrupt, make the other person wrong, get angry, or give unasked for advice. Don’t exchange a similar story and hijack the conversation. Keep your focus on the speaker. Open your heart and your ears and listen for the need that is being communicated. Almost every time we speak, we communicate a need of some kind. But often it is hidden in our words.

When you learn to listen to your teen daughter she will learn to trust you more and begin to tell you who she really is. Isn’t that what we want from our close relationships? We want others to know us, and for us to know them. Listening is the fastest way to achieve that.

Today, talk less, listen more. Ask questions. Be curious about who your daughter really is. Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth and keep it there so you aren’t tempted to start talking too much.

No nagging. No unasked for advice. No interrupting. Just listen. You’ll be amazed at how much your daughter appreciates it. And guess what? As you model listening skills for her, she will be more apt to listen to you in the future.

Let me know how it goes.

For more help with learning to listen, email me. I have 52 listening skills I can teach you.

All best,
Dr. Jenn