What Are You Focused On

Recently, I had the opportunity to walk the beach at Ponte Vedra, Florida, to look for fossils hidden among the broken shells and debris. It has been years since I last “fossiled.” However, I remembered what size, shape and color to look for, and soon, I was focused on the fossils, not on the shells and the million other things strewn on the beach. It was easy to find the treasure I searched for.

How about you? Is it easy to see the treasure in your teen daughter? Or are you focusing on the debris, and the broken things? I hope you are focusing on the treasure, and giving your daughter credit for the good things she is doing. Whenever someone in my group found a great fossil, we celebrated with a “high five.” It felt great that other’s shared in our small victory. Are you sharing in your daughter’s victories? What has she done lately that deserved a “high five?”

We mom’s know that to raise a daughter, we need to teach them about life. But we often forget that teaching is far more than simply pointing out what our daughters are doing “wrong.” Yet many moms focus only on the negative. They forget to point out and celebrate the good. Read more

House Rules: Moms Need to Learn

Moms need to learn how to create and enforce rules about how their teen daughters and her friends act in their homes.

From my research and experience as a mother and doctor of psychology, the fewer rules the better. However, the rules that are in place need to be BIG RULES. And, the consequences to breaking them need to be enforced calmly, quickly and matter-of-factly. Your daughter needs to have some say in making the rules and coming up with consequences for breaking them.

When my four young teenagers were at home, my BIG RULES were simple. The rules applied to my own children and their friends. Read more