Self-Control. Can Teens Learn It?

Teens are famous for being impulsive and difficult to live with. Blame it on their raging hormones, right?

 Not totally. Their brains play a role in the behavior we label as “typical teen.”

Teens  often use the limbic system of their brain, the area responsible for in the moment survival, rather than the prefrontal cortex, the “CEO” of the brain to make decisions. The prefrontal cortex doesn’t mature until the late twenties, so it’s not a conscious choice to use a less than stellar steering wheel for their lives.

One of the new buzz words from the neuroscience world is: executive functioning. It refers to the ability to order your thoughts, put things in your short term memory for future use, and to stay on task mentally, not something teens are able to do very well these days. (Many teachers are noticing that preschoolers are starting out their educational years with less executive functioning than previous students years past.) A recent New York Times article delved into a new solution for helping preschooler have more executive function and more self-control. Read the article here. That solution can help teens learn self-control as well.

The solution? Play! But not just any type of play, but rather dramatic, pretend play. Play has been stripped from our children’s lives at school and home and replaced with a heavy load of academics, organized sports and over scheduled lives. Play has gotten a bad rap as something silly, frivolous and without merit. Yet play is the womb for brain growth, happiness, innovation, stress regulation, and learning, among other wonderful things.

Teens aren’t keen to go back to playing dress-up-lets-pretend, (which is what helps little ones learn better) but they are, believe it or not, quite happy to use their imaginations and get their hands messy.  When given the chance to use their imagination to create, teens have a better chance to learn self-control.

The challenge for parents is to learn HOW to bring play back into their teens lives and how to play along with them at times. Even preschoolers need to be directed at how to play as it has been slowly removed from our culture so you can well imagine how challenging it is to bring play into the lives of our teens.

One place parents can learn more about the importance of play and how to add it to their daughters lives is at www.honorthegirl.me.  Part of the monthly subscription covers the topic of play.

As more scientists publish the positive benefits of play, and experts bemoan the loss of play in our lives, parents have the chance to learn more.

I’ll keep you posted about the latest reseach on play and how you can ues it to be a better parent, and how it can benefit your teen daughter.

All best,

Dr. Jenn

Money Talks, Sex Takes a Walk

Word on the street is that mothers are talking to daughters about money more than they are  talking about the birds and the bees (or cultural challenges). Seems the tanked economy is front and center in most people’s minds. Mother’s know all to well, the real issues their daughters will face  concerning money when they are adults.

Women and children are the fastest growing population of  the homeless. Poverty still affects more women than men. Men still earn more money than women. Divorced women lose income, husbands usually recover and go on to make more money. Those are reasons  enough that moms need to talk to their daughter’s about money.

Money is energy. It flows in and out of our lives. Money is power. Most men know that. But your teen daughter reads magazines, watches movies and music videos and listens to lyrics that teach her that “sexy” is her ultimate power. What are we teaching our sons that makes them want to be the CEO of a corporation and our daughters want to be Miss USA? I know that’s a broad stroke, but you get my point.

As more mom’s become money savvy, more daughters will get the right message. Start teaching your daughter about earning, saving and investing. Talk with her about her feelings about money. Does she understand it’s value? Is she afaid of it? Most parents know the value of the “birds and the bees” talk. Now, it’s vital to have “the money” talk. It’s never to early to start teaching your daughter about earning and investing.

I recently heard from some amazing experts about teens and money. When www.parentingteengirls.com goes live in a few days, I’ll have links to them for you.

For now, ask your daughter how she feels about money. In fact, ask yourself how you feel about money. Grab your journal and add a new entry. Write down the first time you can remember having your own money, what you spent it on and who taught you about money? What’s your relationship with money? Chances are whatever it is, you’ll pass that down to your daughter, for better or for worse.

Want a creative way to save money? Check out one of my favorite websites for stoking up the imagination. If you surf over to it, check out BioColor while you are there, one of the most amazing PLAY tools for teens. (email me for all the secrets about it!)

More coming from money experts.  Stay tuned.

My 13 Year Old Is a Nightmare!

Dear Dr. Jenn,

My 13 year old is a nightmare. She is mouthy, mean, and won’t follow the rules my husband and I have laid down. She used to like me, now she let’s me know everyday I am  “annoying” and hates me. I am beginning to hate her to. What do I do? Read more