Your daughter Needs You to Listen!

Message every parent needs to hear:

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.

 When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn’t feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.

 When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problems, I feel underestimated and disempowered.

 When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.

When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am not helpless.

When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.

But when you accept the way I feel, then I don’t need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it. And when I do that, I don’t need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.

 Please remember that what you think are irrational feelings always makes sense if you take the time to listen and understand me.   (Written by an anonymous teen.)

My first book was A Little Book of Listening Skills. Need help with your listening skills? Email me and I will send you a FREE sample set of listening skills.

All best,

Dr. Jenn