Stop Sexting by Snooping?

Sexting is here to stay. Not to say that it is a good thing, but that genie isn’t going to go back in the bottle. Parents, educators, legal authorities and even teens themselves are trying to figure out how texting affects lives, what legal ramifications it includes and just how to get a handle on the sexting problem. There are still more questions than answers.

One company has come up with a way to deal with sexting by allowing parents full access to their teens text and calls. Mobile Nanny allows parents to view their child’s phone useage in real time. One would imagine that if a teen knew their phone was “tapped” they wouldn’t use it for nefarious reasons. Go here for more info about the software.

There are  few problems with such software. First, if you install it without your daughter’s knowledge to catch her in the act, she will feel betrayed. Once such trust is broken, it’s really hard to repair it with a teenager. Second, a smart teen, which most of them are, will simply use a friends phone for their “dirty work,” and avoid your prying eyes. The problem with this scenario is your daughter’s behavior is driven even more underground. Now she can’t tell you about her sexting, or texts that might be upsetting her because she has “lied” to you by using another phone.  It’s hard enough to get our girls to speak their truth when they don’t have as much to hide as a lie on top of a tricky situation. Third, the message using this software sends out to our daughter’s is “I can’t trust you!” Or,”I need to protect you from yourself or someone else.” But think that thought through. I assume you have or will allow your daughter to drive when she turns 16. Car accidents are one of the leading causes of teen death. But you turn the keys over and hope for the best after she has had drivers education.

That is what we need more of: Education. Not the lecturing type done by most parents, but the Compassionate Parenting kind where parents listen to what’s going on in their daughter’s lives and they do their very best to be supportive. We know that teens don’t learn from our lectures. They learn from their own mistakes. If you don’t allow your teen the chance to make a few mistakes, learn and grow, how else will they know how to function as adults?

If you decide to buy the software nanny for your daughter’s cell phone, I hope you at least let her know you are installing it, and you have a talk about safe and respectful use of the phone.

I am holding a free teleseminar in November for all parents who want more information about the use of technology and their teen daughters. It is part of my new lecture series that will eventually be published in book form: Raising Eve: Parenting Teen Girls in the Information Age. ™

Please email me if you are interested in an hour long class via the phone to learn more about sexting, Facebook and the one topic that shocks most moms, Internet porn. I’ll bring you up to speed about all the topics and give you easy takeaways as how to deal with the technology that is creating big problems in our daughter’s lives.

email me at

drjenn@honorthegirl.me

www.honorthegirl.me

Sneak a Peak at My Daughter’s Messages?

Dear Dr. Jenn,

I hear conflicting advice about whether I should sneak a peak at my daughter’s texts or Facebook wall? Read more

Your Child and Sexting

Dr. Jenn is interviewed about “sexting” in The Oxford Press. Here’s an excerpt:

When it comes to sexting, a simple cell phone can be dangerous, said Jennifer Austin Leigh, known as Dr. Jenn, who is a life coach for teen girls and their mothers.

A cell phone should not be handed over to a child without instructions and rules, because even the oldest teenagers are not old enough to appreciate its power, she said.

“You just don’t hand the phone over, just like you don’t hand the keys over to the car when they are 16,” she said.

Read the whole article here.