Summer Stress?

Importance of Downtime for Teens this Summer

Ah, summer vacation for teens – time to kick back! But as we cruise into mid-summer, sometimes stressed-out Moms forget that their teens might also be struggling with their own version of overload. Or you might be unintentionally contributing to it.

Teens often don’t have the repertoire of coping skills and outlets for stress that we adults have. I’ve had a chance to observe this while consulting in a small high school and working with adolescents, parents and families in my private therapy practice.

Here’re some tips to recognize and prevent your kid’s stress overload and to promote a healthy balance with downtime:

1. Discuss expectations. Your teen might think that her summer will consist of lying by the pool and hanging with friends. You see her getting a job, making some college visits and painting her room. Obvious conflict ahead! Have a calm discussion about it and work on reaching a compromise. It’s good also to discuss the family’s expectations for spending time together. Teens are working on establishing their independence and need time with peers.
2. Help your Type-A overachiever strike a balance. Maybe your daughter is the one with unrealistic expectations of what she’ll accomplish this summer. She’s reading all the suggested summer reading for English (the requirement is one to two books!), trying to work two jobs and writing college app. essays. Suggest she might want to quit one job and plan a shopping get-away with a friend.
3. Set limits. It’s nice that your 15 year-old is home and can watch the 8 year-old twins. But don’t always expect that she’s available – be respectful of her time, too. Having a homework-free second pair of hands to clean the house is great – just don’t take advantage of your teen’s offer to help out.
4. Be able to identify signs of stress/overload. Parenting teens can be challenging with all their developmental quirks, mood swings, etc. But look for signs of sleep disruption or oversleeping, lethargy, changes in eating behavior, isolation or withdrawal and excessive irritability. These could be signs of depression or anxiety and may need professional attention.
5. Keep communicating. As a Mom, sometimes YOU want to run away from home. Work on increasing the level/quality of communication with your teen. Teens tell me that they care about what their parents think (really!!) and often want their advice.

Modeling your own healthy responses to stress and overload is a great parenting technique. Don’t forget to enjoy your summer!

Nancy LaFever, MSW, LISW-S, LICDC

Is Your Teen Daughter More Unbearable in This Bear Market?

Moms, do you notice when you are worried about “big things,” that your daughter’s behavior becomes more unbearable? Has she changed her behavior, or are you simply on stress overload?

My hunch is, you are on stress overload, and your daughter’s normal teen behavior gets on your nerves more.

On the other hand, maybe your daughter is acting out more than usual. Our teens feel the palpable tension in the air as we all watch our savings, our kid’s college funds, maybe even our next mortgage payment vanish as the free fall on Wall Street continues.

No matter if your daughter’s behavior is real or imaginary, here are some simple tips to deal with these stressful times. Read more